Putting up boundaries

Hello everyone,

So today i was thinking of my own experience related to putting up boundaries.  This ties in with the previous post in which i touch on how important it is to put up boundaries to avoid getting drawn back into a relationship that shows no potential.

The truth of the matter is though that it is far more difficult than one can imagine.  This proved to be the case for me as well.  I also found myself at the final stages of making a decision on whether to continue a relationship that never really took off to begin with.  I realized (far too late) that any hope of this changing in future was a pie in the sky for me.  So, in the course of building up to finally telling the other person of my intention to end the relationship (yes i fell into the trap of getting reeled back into the relationship the first time) i had to contemplate whether i would be able to sustain what i was about to do - because lets face it, you can only trick your brain for so long but you can't trick your heart.  So i had to convince my heart and make sure that my head bought into the fact that self-preservation is what this was all about.

So, the next time the other person called me, i graciously ignored the call.  All was good and well in the land of Oz.  I had finally mustered up the courage to stick to my guns and in the process regained my power.  Then something happened. He phoned back two days later - something that was out of character because by now he's feeling slightly insecure about losing his grip on the power he had over me.  Again, this is one of the crucial stages where sanity has to reign over emotional turbulence. In my case i once again refused to answer the call, as difficult as it was.  This happened on two more occasions until i was finally ready talk to him.  By then, i had purged him out of my system and could stand my ground with a clear head and sober mind.  At last I put the final boundary in place and that was to tell him not to come to my place anymore.  He eventually moved on after that.

So here are today's Pearls of Wisdom:

1.  When you put up boundaries, KNOW why you are doing it.  Be aware that its not only to avoid getting sucked back into an unfulfilled relationship, but also an indicator that you had recognized the shortcomings within the situation and have taken mature steps to save yourself from further heartache, insecurity and a lifetime of uncertainty.  Good for you!
2.  REMIND yourself on a daily basis why you are putting up boundaries.  Its easier to put them in place than to keep them in place.
3.  STICK to it.  If you are going to put up boundaries, make sure that you are strong enough to see it through otherwise its a waste of time and energy not to mention the resentment you carry after you feel   you've let yourself down.


And that's my input for the day.  I'm sure many of you can relate to this?  I would love to hear your stories and hear how you've managed to put up boundaries and whether it had worked for you.

Waiting to hear your comments.

Peace
Liz